A week during which I recently spent driving an Audi Q3 clarified once and for all that, against everything pointing to the contrary, there’s not a bone of pro-Audi bias in my lanky frame.
My father didn’t claim that his handful of Audi 5000 Turbo Quattros — including a couple beige examples — and his red Audi Coupe were the absolute best driver’s cars, but he never wanted to drive what everybody else was driving. No BMWs, no Benzes, no Lincolns.
All five of us kids loved those Audis. One of my older brothers and I would pretend that the unbuckled middle seatbelt attachment was a microphone as we called the race home between Bobby Rahal in the Chevrolet Celebrity alongside, Emerson Fittipaldi in the Ford Taurus up ahead, and our dad in the Audi. And what a race it was. Mr. Cain didn’t take it slow until the four-cylinder Subaru bug bit 15 years later.
With all my childhood experience in five hard-driven Audis, you may forgive the natural eventuality, that in my career as a full-time auto writer, I wouldn’t be able to escape a pro-Audi bias. I’m only human, right?
Or, perhaps I’m superhuman, because try as I sometimes may for my father’s benefit, I’m not blind to an Audi’s faults.
The roots of pro-Audi bias my father thought he was calcifying inside me simply morphed into a desire to drive fast cars with manual transmissions. True, as Audi surged into North America’s luxury mainstream with more reliable cars and a broader lineup, I’ve had opportunity to thoroughly enjoy weeks in an S4, SQ5, S3, and an A6 TDI. But they weren’t perfect.
The S4’s supercharged V6 is mighty, but its B8 A4 architecture was long in the tooth two years ago . The SQ5 is a shockingly effective small crossover, but its exterior dimensions suggest the interior should be larger than it is, and I immediately followed up a week in the SQ5 with a Porsche Macan S test. The Porsche showed the true meaning of “shockingly effective.†The Audi S3 was one of the best cars I drove last year, but it’s difficult for me to imagine making the leap from the Volkswagen Golf R. And the A6 TDI? Bliss, but you can’t even buy one of thosenow.
I’ll be honest, I can’t say whether the Audi Q3 is awful. But the Canadian-spec 2016 Audi Q3 2.0T Technik Quattro we tested for a week in early March — that specific car  — was a whole ‘nuther matter. From its CAD base price of $36,395 (U.S. pricing starts at $34,625), our test specimen added $13,450 in options, a 37-percent increase from the base price for all-wheel drive, navigation, paddle shifters, sport seats, and $800 20-inch alloys on 255/35R20 tires.
Yes, wheels that are sized appropriately for a GMC Yukon on a small crossover that’s seven inches shorter, bumper to bumper, than a Hyundai Elantra. Yes, tires that suit the rear end of a performance-minded Mustang on a high-riding hatchback.
Ride comfort is nonexistent. Never before had our two-year-old commented on a test vehicle’s ride quality, but in the Q3, he accused every road of being a rough road.
There are small blessings. The Q3 isn’t riding on a Wrangler’s 95.4-inch wheelbase, but a 102.5-inch wheelbase that at least makes sure the front and rear axles aren’t struck by the same frost heave at the same moment. But on low-profile 20s, the Q3 suffers from both a busy ride on all but the smoothest roads and from a body that’s severely disturbed by particularly disfigured portions of pavement.
There are vehicles that do one or the other; vehicles that constantly and annoyingly tell you that the suspension is working to mitigate pitch and roll and dive but don’t suffer mightily from expansion joint-intrusions, and other vehicles that remain largely composed until significant failures result from a serious conflict between wheel and pothole.
The Q3 fails miserably on both counts.
Should we be surprised? Probably not. This is a vehicle that was only launched in North America at the end of 2014, but the Q3 is based on the platform of the Mk5 Volkswagen Golf, production of which began 13 years ago. We’re not suggesting that the PQ35 platform hasn’t evolved during a period in which Volkswagen introduced a sixth and seventh-generation Golf, but the 20-inch-shod Q3’s lack of ride comfort isn’t the only trait that resembles a former era.
There’s no centre console mount for Audi’s MMI. It’s mounted instead above the low-slung climate controls. The 2.0-liter turbo isn’t the 220-horsepower unit from the current Golf GTI. It’s a 200-horsepower engine that demands premium fuel and travels only 20 miles per gallon in the city.
Furthermore, the Q3 is afflicted by the same disease that oppresses subcompact cars such as the Chevrolet Sonic, Ford Fiesta, and Kia Rio. Pay a little more money and you’ll get much more vehicle. In Audi’s case, the Q5 offers 20 percent more space for passengers, 74 percent more cargo capacity, 20 more horses, two extra speeds in its transmission, and — in all-wheel-drive form — costs just 14 percent more (USD) than the Q3.
Therefore, the rotten ride quality of this Q3 is matched by a rotten deal. Skipping the 20s won’t change that fact. (In fact, Audi USA doesn’t appear to offer the 20-inch upgrade, wisely leaving 19-inch alloys as the only upgrade.)
The idea of premium brands stepping down market sounds great — at first. Consumers believe they’ll get all the characteristics that make an E-Class a true Mercedes-Benz wrapped up in a smaller CLA-Class body, all the swagger of an X5M in a smaller X1, all the Vorsprung durch Technik of an S8 in a Q3. Thousands of consumers accept the notion, but many thousands more do not.
All too often, car reviewers believe consumers are simply getting it wrong. They’re buying too many Altimas, we say with exasperation, not enough Mazda6s. Why won’t they give the Ford Fiesta ST a look, we irrationally cry, instead of hoarding Honda HR-Vs?
But with the smallest premium brand utilities, it seems as though consumers are usually getting it right. In search of a greater sense of luxury, Americans are acquiring Mercedes-Benz GLCs 60-percent more often than GLAs, bless their hearts. BMW USA is selling 1.6 X3s for every Mini-related X1. And in Audi’s case, the Q5 attracts nearly four times as many American buyers as the Q3.
Pro-Audi? Nah, I’m really, genuinely, verily not. But when it comes to the Q3, I certainly do become awfully pro-Q5.
Timothy Cain is the founder of GoodCarBadCar.net , which obsesses over the free and frequent publication of U.S. and Canadian auto sales figures. Follow on Twitter @goodcarbadcar  and on Facebook .